DIVORCE IS a disruption of the collective interests of the family by the self-interest of one or both of the spouses. Divorce is selfish. In 35 years of practicing family law, I have seldom encountered a spouse who obtained a divorce out of concern for his or her partner or for the sake of their children.

Lawyers have not contributed much to the support of marriage and the family, even though the need for shoring up such support is quite apparent. Most of the best law schools have not given a high priority to family law. The family law courses that do exist have concentrated narrowly on the substantive law and the mechanics of getting people divorced. Lawyers' role in supporting marriage may not have even been considered relevant. Their focus remains on who gets what, be it income, property or children.

Lawyers can use their offices to support marriage. But this opportunity will be missed if the lawyer does not ask appropriate questions and listen, if he (or she) does not consider the support of marriage a part of his job description, if he takes the position that a client seeking to keep her marriage together is in the wrong place, if he believes that lawyers who encourage reconciliation appear weak, or if he tries to shunt the whole problem off to the mental health professionals.

One cannot overlook the role of money in all this. Lawyers are paid more for divorces than for reconciliations.